Wednesday, 16 May 2012

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What a bunch of balls ¬_¬

I feel about ready to jump out of my window or walk in front of a truck ( I say a truck because a car might not work and a bus has a driver low down so he might see me and stop )

Every 5 minutes or so at work I am close to hitting someone. To me it doesn't matter if its a customer or if its a employee.. but who ever it is I'm sure they will have done nothing wrong.

I seemed to have sunk back to when I wrote "This Post"

If anything that post sums up exactly how I feel right now other than the fact that I'm even closer to just giving up on life.

I thought about maybe going to the doctors and seeing if they can help me out but the best they would be able to do is give me some pills and say "take these and come back in a few weeks to see if its working".

I think the worst part about how i feel right now is that fact that I know full well that I'm destroying everything I built for myself and yet I have no control over my actions..

Things between me and chloe have hit a rock bottom.. I fell like its over and I lost here although I know shes still clinging on, I'm sorta glad shes clinging on as I know things "could" work out and we can be happy. Problem is that it kills me that she has to cling on and be so hurt in the process..

Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist?
Maybe they could help.. problem there is I just don't trust them.
I mean its all well and good sitting down with someone and spewing out your problems however they can only give you "advice" on what they hear.. and obviously my views are biased. Not only that but they aren't in the relationship or me for that matter so how can they understand how my mind works?

Maybe i just need some pills from the doctors that kills off my brain..
Maybe the fact that i have so many personality's all cramed in there along with a mass of thoughts and a unbelievable amount of stress... maybe i just need to shut it all down and do a system restore.

Ah who knows what the answer might be.. could be bloody anything.

All I know is I don't have it and its slowly killing me..

Help.. someone?
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